Steady On

I just got back from an appointment with my oncologist.  He said that basically things are going as well as we could have possibly hoped for.  Praise God!  He also said that I'm the only one of his myeloma patients that isn't experiencing side effects from treatment.  Wow, praise God again.  My cancer number is down to a .6, but he said that we should start seeing a plateau and the numbers won't drop as quickly.  We can continue to pray that the number goes down to zero though!

I was saddened to read of another myeloma patient that recently passed away.  He blogged regularly, and it was helpful for me to know of some of the day-to-day struggles that might come with the disease.  In each of his posts, he expressed hope (and even confidence) that he would beat cancer.  I'm not sure this was empty bravado or what, but even up until his last post he was stating he would beat cancer.

I know many cancer patients have the same mindset.  Don't get me wrong; I do think there's benefit from positive thinking (I've even ready some scientific studies which showed optimistic people had better outcomes than those who were always down.)  But ultimately, it's a little sad that we human beings cling so tightly to this sense of control.  We want to be in complete control over every aspect of our lives.  It's this desire for control that causes some to think they can beat cancer by sheer force of will.  More than anything though, I think this just shows how rebellious man tries to run from a loving, sovereign God.

Accepting my cancer diagnosis became easier when I was able to accept that I cannot control everything.  This cancer - and how it responds to the chemo - is largely outside my control.  Some may say that since things are beyond our control, all life's events depend on chance or fate.  I choose to believe in an all-powerful God orchestrating all things for good, and I will continue to pray that God would remove the cancer entirely.  Even if I am not ultimately healed of this disease, I have peace knowing that God is omnipotent, God is in control, and God is good.