God Is Good

Edit: 3/13/2015 I'm going to continually add to this list so I remember all the ways God has shown His goodness over this journey.

The recurring theme for the past day has been "God is good".  Period.  God was good before my diagnosis, God continues to be good to me today.  It may seem strange to some to recognize God's goodness in the midst of something so weighty, but consider these items:

1. I hadn't been to a doctor in 10 years.  The only reason why the doctors caught that my blood results seemed off was because we were going through an adoption process that required a physical.  I had (and still have) no major symptoms of myeloma other than the cancer cells in my bone marrow and the excess protein in my blood.  It could have progressed a lot further before the doctors caught it, were it not for the grace of God.
2. I received the diagnosis while at my parents' house.  Because I received it there, I was able to get some much needed emotional support and encouragement (and a much needed hug from my mom).  I'm grateful I didn't get that news when I was alone.  God knew what I needed.
3. Prior to receiving the diagnosis, I had spent a large chunk of time with my mom and sister looking over childhood photos, laughing, and reminiscing.  It was great being reminded how blessed I truly am to have had such a happy childhood and to have such a loving family.  I recognize that countless others have to deal with cancer alone.  I'm surrounded by so many people that love and care for me.
4. This past weekend, I got to go on a bachelor party.  I wasn't sure I would be in a good frame of mind since I was waiting for my diagnosis, but right before leaving, I got word that my CT scan and skeletal x-rays were all clear, meaning the cancer at least hadn't reached that advanced stage.  This allowed me to go on the bachelor party with freshened optimism.  The real treat was getting major encouragement from the various brothers on the trip and receiving prayer.
5. My pastors are all at the Shepherds' Conference this weekend.  When I sent them a note about the diagnosis, they were all able to pray for me.  It's such a blessing knowing that they're all lifting us up in prayer.
6. For the past several months, we've been studying the Psalms in Sunday School.  How timely!  I feel that I can now relate to the psalmist.  How can the psalmist claim to trust God yet be in such despair?  I don't know, but I'm right there with him.  I mean, I'm not always in despair, but I do reach that point from time to time.  It's hard because I do trust God, whole-heartedly.  Yet somehow, God is pleased with those honest cries of questioning and wrestling with the news.  Pray that I don't dwell there too long though, for it quickly turns into the sin of self-pity and doubting God's character.
7. I got a new job at Google in November, and everyone has been incredibly supportive and are giving me the time I need for the various tests and to process the news.  I had originally scheduled vacation time today, but my boss rejected it and told me to use sick time instead (we get unlimited sick time).  She told me to count mental health time as sick time, which is a huge blessing.
8. God has given me a Christian coworker who mentioned he was praying for me and send me encouragement from Isaiah today.  Having another brother on my team is such an answer to prayer, and is a special blessing during this tough time.
9. I found out that my cousin works for a pharmaceutical company that has a drug that fights myeloma.  It may not come into play since my doctors will figure out the best treatment, but it's nice to know that support is there.  Additionally, my coworker mentioned that her brother and husband are also in the medical diagnostic field, and both of them told her independently that there have been great strides in the past 10 years in the treatment of myeloma.  She said that if ever the traditional treatment doesn't work, she feels that her husband or brother could probably point me to other potential options.  That was a huge blessing to hear.
10. We closed on our re-fi this past week.  Not only will we be saving money every month, but God also graciously provided us a credit on top of our lower rate (which went toward our next property tax payment).
11. Jenn found out today that she's getting a raise!  Praise God!
12. We completed our taxes earlier this week, and we're also getting a large refund.  God is definitely showing that he will take care of our needs.
13. My buddy, Alex, was able to accompany me to my favorite place in the world today (Monterey).  The weather was perfect, and it was great having a friend to talk to as I processed everything.
14. I've been worried about how people were viewing my performance at work (especially since I'm new to Google), but I got a peer bonus earlier this week, and my coworker emailed all my coworkers to tell them she thinks I've been doing great work.  Praise God.
15. A couple of years ago, God answered my prayers and allowed my best man and his family to move from San Diego to the Bay Area.  I think they weren't sure why God brought them up here.  We now see that one of the purposes for their move was so that he could help carry my burdens during this rough time.  Wow.
16. So many of my family members have such strong faith in God.  I was worried at how everyone would handle the news, but God has strengthened our faith.  It's so encouraging to hear the promises in Scripture, especially in emails from my family.
17. A former coworker volunteers at an organization with the largest Asian bone marrow donor network in case we ever need.
18. We've been studying the Psalms for the past several months in Sunday School.  How timely and relevant!  The psalms give us a voice.  We see how godly men respond in the midst of trials and suffering.
19. My buddy, Kyle, went with me to my appointment at Stanford.  He helped me take notes and asked awesome questions I never would have thought of.
20. My oncologist at PAMF did his fellowship at Stanford.  I only got to see the Stanford myeloma specialist because I'm an interesting case (young and very few symptoms).  Going forward, I'll be able to see both doctors (so it's like a built-in second opinion system).  Praise God!
21. I've received countless emails / phone calls / texts over the past week, all providing some much needed encouragement.  I feel incredibly loved and supported.
22. Jenn is also feeling the outpouring of love and support.

There's probably more that I'm missing, but it's plainly obvious that in spite of the craziness, God is in control, and He is good.  

With that being said, please keep us in prayer.  Even though I've seen tangible evidence of God's grace, I still give in to fear and anxiety at times.  I have to admit that I broke down this morning too, but God will continue to be my strength and my refuge.

-b