Mornings

I don't know if I've always been a morning person or if I've been trained into one.  When I was growing up, we would wake up before 6am to get ready for school.  Since then, I seem to pop out of bed pretty easily on most mornings.  I honestly thought everyone was like that until I got married.  Jenn is sometimes barely functional in the mornings.  It's amusing to witness.

Since my diagnosis, nights have been difficult.  When I'm not sleeping (and praise God I've been sleeping fairly well given the circumstances), the weight and gravity of my condition is smothering.  Even when I'm intentionally not thinking about any of it, I feel the enormity of it all as I'm lying in bed.  It's honestly overwhelming from time to time.

More than that, you're very aware of your body lying in bed.  Am I feeling alright?  Do I feel different?  Is that pain in my back?  Are these signs that the cancer is progressing?  The questions start eating at you until you're crying to God in desperation for some peace.  And God listens and answers every time.  I either will find the sweetness of sleep, or I find the joy of a new morning.

I love the mornings.  Mornings are a reminder that God is in control, and He's brought about a new day.  They remind us that God is faithful, and He will bless us with mercies anew.  The warmth of the sun and the buzz of life around me confirms that I am blessed to be alive.

Thanks, God, for a new day.

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5