Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139:13-16

As an emo teen full of angst, I remember clinging to the words often repeated by youth group leaders and Sunday school teachers.  "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."  

There were a lot of things I didn't like about myself; I was always the shortest one in the room, I had really bad skin, I was never very athletic, and the list went on and on.  Intellectually, I knew that God had planned out exactly how I would be from before time began.  I knew in my head that God didn't make mistakes, and yet there were countless tears shed wishing that I could be just a little taller, just a little more outgoing, just a little different.

I don't know when I finally came to accept the man that God has made me to be, but I do know that eventually I had to concede that God is omniscient and makes no mistakes.  He has given me exactly what I need to fulfill His good purposes for me.

This is true of my cancer as well.  When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I constantly questioned why I was 'defective'.  For the past several years, I strove to live a healthy, active life, so it was a bit hard to accept that I had cancer.  And yet, even with cancer I know that the words of Psalm 139:13-16 are true.  I am wonderfully and fearfully made, cancer and all.  I don't fully know how God is using this cancer for His purposes, but I will continue to cling to the fact that He is a good and wonderful Creator.